This the most personal article I have ever written. Why? Because it centers on my inner fears, a long lost friend, struggle, focus, desire and faith on the eve of competitive battle. I share this with you because in it I think you will find a part of yourself, your deepest desires, your strongest fears and your greatest triumphs in the past, present and future.

As I write this I am eleven days away from my comeback to the competitive bodybuilding stage. I won the Atlantic States as a middleweight shortly after my Mom died in 1994. That was my dream and even though most people did not think I would pull it off, I did, and it was a moment I will cherish forever! My Mom was with me on that night as she is on many occasions. The day this hits your doorstop, I will be competing or I will have already competed. The name of the Competition is the Eastern USA and it takes place at Tribecca Performing Arts Theatre in Manhattan on the ninth of October.

There is someone missing now in a physical sense that was by my side like a brother from my last competition. His name, Ken Dubicki, he was my roommate and best friend, four years and one moth ago from the date of my show I had the pleasure of witnessing Ken become the New York State Grand Prix Overall Bodybuilding Champion. We trained together at this time. He overcame many obstacles on the way to living his childhood dream of being a bodybuilder, in what would be his first and only contest. I did not realize the true significance of that until after December 3rd, 1995, when Ken lost his life in a car accident at the age of 25.

Kenny was a great man, friend and warrior for all that is just and good. His insight to life, passion for living, and divine voice of inspiration now echoes in my mind everyday as I prepare to live one of my dreams. I think a lot of that year together, the fun times, the training, the dieting, the perseverance, the emotion, the triumph and the tragedy. It is in his name that I dedicate my show and my posing routine at this event.

Competitive Bodybuilding is a very tough endeavor! You forget how tough until you are in the thick of it! It is all about struggle and sacrifice, hmmm! Sound familiar? Struggle and sacrifice are a part of life for us all; it is part of our journey. A direct competitive endeavor accentuates that part of us. It ignites that part of our heart and soul we don't normally use. It is the place where we test the limits of our capabilities! I have worked harder for this than anything ever in my life and given up more as well! Does that mean I will win? That is the funny part, you can give your whole life and being to something, but yet there are no guarantees.

I am laying it out on the line to an audience of over three thousand people, my friends, family and to over one million people through this paper, but there's no guarantee! Six months of my life have been given up for this show, and guess what? I am terrified it might not work out. So are over 100 other competitors, who have put their soul into this battle. Will I be victorious? That is for God to decide!

I am and underdog actually. There are some big names and physiques that I am up against, and the competition has improved from a few years ago. Just because I write a fitness column does not make me a favorite for this battle. Having said that, this warrior has put his time in and I am in the best shape of my life! As Bruce Lee said, " the great mistake is to anticipate the outcome of the engagement", so I will not make predictions.

I can assure you one thing, if I do go down, it will not be without a fight! Who will be the last man standing? It does not matter. What matters are that we all give it our best shot. The advantages I do have are a guiding angel with the initials K.D. and faith that my tools will strike at the exact moment I need them to! Do not live passively, live passionately! Remember that if you can imagine it, then you can achieve it! Have faith in the abilities your creator gave you and may the positive force of your light be with you on your journey.